Nine Minutes, Cups, and Insomnia

I read a parenting poster years ago and saw it again recently. Essentially, the message was that the most important times of a child’s day are the three minutes after they first wake up, the three minutes after they get home from school, and the last three minutes right before they go to bed. I took this to heart and try to make sure to give my daughter my full attention during those specific times.

Not that I don’t also try to spend quality time with her throughout the rest of the day – despite the delicate balance of hours of television, playing outside with her friends, and regular chores – I just make a conscious effort to be especially attentive during those times.

My daughter, Zoe (who’s nine), likes a pair of you-tubers call “The Merrill Twins” and we allow her to watch their channel because they seem like very sincere, kind-hearted girls who do fun things (they are now in their early-twenties). They did a video singing the “cup song” (originally known as “When I’m Gone”) complete with the bongo-esque drumming and flipping of a red plastic cup. My daughter thought that looked like fun, so she found a you-tube instructional video and persuaded me to learn it with her. Before the night was over, we were successfully keeping rhythm with our own red solo cups…after many faltering attempts, a few variations, and several giggles.

We also like spending quality time playing games like Taboo, Pictionary, Family Feud, and Guesstures. When my niece came over for dinner, the three of us played Guesstures…it’s very tempting to cheat sometimes when you know the actual ASL sign for a word, but we found other, creative, and much more entertaining ways to gesture.

The three minutes before Zoe goes to bed is usually the time when she turns into the thirsty philosopher in an attempt to stay up later, which, thankfully, has decreased as she gets older. Her most common insomnia issues are (1) she doesn’t know what to dream about, (2) she forgot to tell me something, and (3) her nose is stuffy and she wants an allergy pill. I try to cap the procrastination at 5-10 minutes, although my husband can attest that I have taken an extra half hour (or more, but not in recent years) to finally get her to lay in bed and stay there until the sun comes up…which usually works.

I’m a total sucker for her methods, but I know I need to listen to the little things now so that later, she will come to me with the big things. Because, in fact, to her little heart, they are all big things.

Original Post 02/2021