Honky Tonk Badonkadonk

When Zoe (13) rides shotgun with me, she doesn’t like to listen to music. Instead, she turns the radio off and wants to talk about any random thing that pops into her mind. Sometimes, we have very short but intriguing conversations, particularly when we drive to the local convenience store to get a fresh fountain drink of Diet Coke (seriously, cans are not the same).

When I’m not listening to audiobooks, my radio is usually tuned to one of the country stations, which is not Zoe’s favorite genre. This particular day, I started the engine and the station announced they were about to play the Trace Adkins hit “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk.” Hoping she might think the song was funny, I asked her to listen to just this one song. During the chorus, I explained that the song was about a man admiring a woman’s hindquarters, which is the “Badonkadonk.” Our conversation went something like this.

Zoe: So, is the “honky tonk” the boobs?

Me: No, “honky tonk” usually just means country.

Zoe: Oh, I thought the boobs were the “honky tonk” and the butt was the “badonkadonk.”

Me: That’s actually a good guess. When I was younger, another term for boobs used to be “honkers.” I think because the old-fashioned horns had a kind of round, rubber bag you had to squeeze and it made the honk sound. Also, sometimes junior high boys would try to grab a girl’s boob and say “honk.”

Zoe: Oh, I was thinking…isn’t “headlights” another word for boobs?

Me: Yeah.

Zoe: So, isn’t it kind of rude that he’s talking about her butt?

Me: Well, no it’s meant to be a funny song. See, most men usually like either a girl’s boobs or her butt more. The guy is just saying that this woman has a very nice butt.

Once she understood that the song wasn’t intended to be insulting, we then sang along with the rest of the song. I told her my favorite part was “Lord, have mercy, how’d she even get them britches on.” I then had to explain that that just meant her pants were really tight. Before the song ended, we arrived at the convenience store and I had the song in my head. Naturally, I began singing the chorus out loud as we walked into the store, and, although I stopped singing it inside eventually (but not soon enough, according to Zoe), it was still playing in my brain and I was apparently still humming it.

It just so happened that among the several other patrons in the store was one lovely lady who happened to have a distinguished derriere. As I was still softly humming the song, Zoe tried to discretely shush me though the side of her mouth and walked away from me out of embarrassment when we started to giggle. A few minutes later on the way to meet up at the cash register, the same woman walked by between us. Zoe and I made eye contact and started smirking again.

Zoe couldn’t get out the door fast enough. At the car, I made her wait while I pulled up a picture of an old-fashioned bulb horn. It is worth mentioning that I wanted to show her a picture of one before we went into the store, however, she said, “Mom, I don’t want to look at a horn if it looks like a boob.”

Clearly, I gave my child a unique education that day. When we got home, I evidently still had the badonkadonk ear worm and we got to explain the entire ordeal to my husband. Some days he finds us amusing, while others he may really be concerned about my mental wellbeing. Do other people have these conversations with their children or is it just me?