Bullied

When my daughter, Zoe, was in Kindergarten, there was a little girl in her class who bullied her. She said mean things and would often squeeze or pat my daughter’s cheeks. We told the school but the behavior continued; I understand they can’t control everything.

One day, my daughter asked if she could have a play date with that same girl. Confused, I asked if she was talking about the girl who bullied her and pinched her cheeks. When my daughter confirmed that we were talking about the same child, I asked why she wanted to have a play date together. My daughter said, “because if she has a fun time with me, maybe she will want to be nice to me.”

I was floored. How in the world did my daughter get such a huge heart? Where on earth did she get that? Certainly not from me…I’m sure I have never been that nice of a person. It must have been from her dad. I was beyond proud of my daughter and her answer continues to impress me to this day.

I’m no stranger to bullies…even as an adult. While many people think of bullying in strictly physical threats, my experience was more of an ostracization. I’ve always been a bit of an outcast. I have a very distinct memory from when I was 11 years old and a classmate asked me “Why doesn’t anybody like you?” Decades later, I’m sure that this person has no clue of the impact that one question left on me, let alone even remembers saying it. Then I recognize that there are likely many people who “bully” others but don’t even realize it. And, being fair, I’m sure I can’t excuse myself from this one.

So, while it may have taken me decades of time away from some of my own experiences and motherhood to a child who has been on the receiving end of the issue, I can realize and admit that I, too, have definitely not always been as nice as I should have. Okay, I know there were many times when I was a big, fat jerk. To everyone I have ever been unkind to, I am sincerely sorry. For the most party, I try to be nice…unless people aren’t nice to me. And I’m trying to raise my daughter to be a better person than I am, so that’s gotta count for something, right?

Oh, and that girl that bullied her in pre-school? Luckily, that was the last week of school before we moved to a different school district. It seems someone upstairs knew my heart wasn’t quite as forgiving as my daughter’s.

We enrolled my daughter in karate and have been working with her on her self-confidence. We are teaching her to stand up for herself as well as others who can’t stand up for themselves. She is still worried about getting expelled if she ever gets into a fight. We told her that if someone ever starts a fight with her, she is allowed to finish it…and then we will take her out for ice cream.

Original Post 03/2021